The author is Dr Susan John, currently working in Baptist Christian Hospital, Tezpur, Assam.
The following is her narration of the story – from fighting Covid as a doctor to battling it as a patient and the lessons learnt in the journey.
Over the past few months, our world has gone through much turmoil, unlike never before. Entire countries shut down, economies collapsed, schools and business were closed, travel restrictions were enforced and everyone was forced to stay home. Fear and uncertainty became prevalent, physical distancing and social isolation became the norm. We couldn’t move outside our homes without a mask, all because of a 0.1 um sized particle of protein (to get some perspective, that would be 1/1000th the size of a strand of your hair), talk about small.
We couldn’t thank Joseph Lister enough for teaching us about handwashing, even as we started adjusting to the new normal way of doing life. The entire scientific community grappled with understanding this stealthy little virus. All the health systems braced to rise up to fight this global pandemic.
I am also part of such a team, at a remote mission hospital in Tezpur, Assam. It initially began just as something that had originated from bats in China, and we were told to be prepared, and we did that. Over the next few months as the virus swept through the entire world, wearing PPE became second nature to us, even as now we had to triage all our patients. Strategies changed often. The senior doctors had to attend multiple seminars and webinars and pore through numerous guidelines, day in and day out. Finally, predictions came true as the peak hit India in July- August and cases started to surge.
We weren’t admitting COVID patients but we had to refer any suspected patients to the nearby government center. It broke our hearts every time we had to take tough decisions of referring sick patients. We had to say no, to desperate, sometimes angry relatives. We had to wear PPE through the heat of summer. The hospital was also struggling due to dwindling patient numbers and added to that the struggles of our patients who were not able to access care due to multiple reasons. We were trying our best, but life was tough and challenging, and we just needed a break…
That’s when it struck, the virus had invaded…me!!
I badly wanted it to be just a normal cold, but the rapid test came positive, and strongly positive at it, and I had to be isolated, in my hostel room, for the next 17 days. There were a few questions at the back of my mind, like why was this happening? Did I do something wrong? But then there was also this calm assurance that God had allowed this and that He would carry me through. His reassurance was that, “In all things God works together for good, for them that love God, for them that have been called according to His purpose”. I could trust Him.
It was tough the initial few days, with the fever and blocked nose, and my parents back home who were concerned for my well-being. But that settled soon.
It was a bit lonely so I tried to keep myself busy reading and leaning in more to God in my desperate situation.
I never realized I was so dependent on others in my life, in the form of the constant help that my friends provided during this period. Getting me the essential things that I needed.
And I did eventually have a quick recovery from the sickness, without having very bad symptoms. All glory to God and because of the prayers of my loved ones and special thanks to my mother who kept doctoring me from so far away..
But if there is one important lesson that I have learnt from this whole exercise, is that I was too self- sufficient, self- reliant, self- confident, in my work, and relationships and even the things I thought I was doing for God.
All of a sudden all the plans that I had made for the next two weeks had come to fail. Even my efforts to be productive during the break were failing. Not because my intentions were bad, but because I had to realise I couldn’t do it in my own strength. I was infact feeling burdened, frustrated and burnt out.
Much like Moses who had to run away and hide after taking things into His own hands, by trying to kill the Egyptian, we want to do great things for God, but before God uses us He has to break us, till we learn to rely on Him completely, despising our every effort, saying like Jesus, “ I do nothing of my own accord, but only what I see the Father doing.”
He wants us to rest and abide in Him and seek our direction and purpose from Him. Jesus says, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” ( John 15)
We can spend our whole lives doing the ‘works’ of God, but in the end God will have to say, “ I don’t know you, away from me you evildoers” , if it was not done according to His will, and how do we know His will ? Only through spending time with God and His word and He will reveal it to us through His Holy Spirit dwelling within us.
In the parable of the ten virgins, all ten were waiting for the bridegroom, carrying their lamps with them, five of them who were foolish, ran out of oil, the other five of them who were wise, made sure they had extra oil for the whole duration of the wait, and that is the oil of intimacy, that Jesus, is asking us to cultivate in these last days, if we are to be ready for Him.
So as the world is going through this pandemic, God is reminding us to be still and know that He is God, He is asking us to cease from our striving. He doesn’t want servants, He wants friends, intimate friends that is, with whom He can share His heart and His secrets.
Daniel 11:32 says, ‘ But the people that know their God, shall be strong and do exploits’.
Will we be set apart and Holy? Will we be that priestly generation that will dedicate themselves to draw close to God and to stand in the gap for our people and represent Him to the world? Will we be the prophets calling down the reign of heaven on earth, by praying prayers that are after His own heart?
Will we say like Samuel, or Abraham, or Moses, “Here I am, I am available, you can have it all, you can use me God”?
God bless!
joyancejames 