Behold, I take thy name!

Joyance Shalom James

Pause! Take a breath; hear me out before the feminists jump in jubilation and the misogynists prepare to gun me down. The decision to add my wife’s first name to mine at least on the social media platform wasn’t born as an afterthought or as a part of a dare, but rather from the musings of a sane mind trying to make a bold statement.

I, Joyance James took Shalom Elsy Philip to be my lawfully wedded wife on the 15^th of the last month. And as the Lord said Joy & Peace are no longer two but one, so I decided to extrapolate the union of the two individuals to the name too.

Why should it always have to be the wife who needs to change her name?  

It’s not that I do not like my name, I absolutely love it, but Joy and Peace go well together. It’s not that I’m questioning the patriarchy, not that I love my dad any less, but I love my wife more and I want to acknowledge her individuality. It’s not that I like a publicity stunt, but I want to make a statement that it’s okay to stand up for what you believe even though it pits you against the popular opinion. It’s a threat to my manhood as some might view it, rather it takes real guts to be man enough to do it.

To celebrate the independence in the inter-dependence, Shalom & I decided that she doesn’t need to go through the hassles of changing her name to add my name. I do not see this exercise as a lack of submission or lack of respect for the head of the family, rather I believe as the head of the family I should earn respect before demanding it from my best-half.

I know my views are far-fetched with hardly any buyers for the thought. A famous survey by Men’s Health magazine in 2013 found 63.3 per cent of readers said they would be upset if their wife kept her maiden name after marriage. Meanwhile, almost all respondents – 96.3 per cent said they wouldn’t take a woman’s last name if she asked them to.

Here I’m taking my wife’s first name and not her surname while still keeping my dad’s name after mine. In doing so I salute and acknowledge the fact that we’re equals. God meant us husbands to be the head of the family, may it be to lead with example and sacrifice, to give & earn respect before expecting it, to bow down before expecting submission and to love unconditionally like Jesus. May our marriages reflect the greater one to come which will last for all eternity.